Connection with Pen, Paper & Books

I always know that I have a special connection with paper & pen. I like being around them. And I feel secure when I have my pen, paper or notebook with me. I feel ease when I know that I always have a place to write out my emo, to vent my frustrations, and to write out motivation note for myself. Of course the purpose of pen and book aren’t just to vent out emotions, but they also a good tools to note down to-do list, checklist, errands menu, and etc.

I do most of my admin work manually (on books) instead of using ms.excel or words. I feel sense of accomplishment and more secure instead of using any device. It applies the same for my daily to-do list. Instead of using note on cellphone, i do really prefer to jot down on a small note-book of mine or a piece of paper. Although most of my friends using laptop or cellphone to take note of everything, I still feel that using paper and pen makes me feel easier. For me, devices and smart phone aren’t as smart as we think they are. Reliance to devices and smart phone makes human become retarded time to time. When you are inspired with something, you just need to take out pen and paper to jot down. I know using smart phone is much more convenient to bring, but think this, when you take out your smart phone, you have to swipe and unlock your password to access to main home screen. After that, you have to find the apps “memo” to take note. By then, a message came in. You switched to message, you read it then you got carried away and forgot that you have something to take note. OR when you have read the message that came in, you go back to the main menu, forget that what you want to write at the “memo” or you MIGHT forgot what you want to do with the smart phone at the first place.

I love smart phone, and I like virtual world’s news. But as much as I like them, I still find them a big distractions for humanity. Well, everyday we read news about how people died in a car accidents while texting or taking selfies. We read news about how people over-focus on smartphone and their babies got hit by a car or kidnapped due to their negligence. Friends lack of communication due to this kind of distraction too. It is the same with laptop. Sometimes you just want to focus doing one thing on it, another things take place. How? simply by looking at every page you are following online, you can see there are just too many sidelines ads, google ads and any kind of plugins from the web itself. That leads to distractions, which I think, making us losing focus, and little by little, human become dependent on techs and slowly become retarded. Well, that’s what I think. People don’t really have to agree. But, if you happen to be like me, you just feel like you are losing focus on real things, take some time and think about how many hours do you spend on gadget each day? Then I’m sure you will feel the same way I do.

Pen & Papers are great tools for me. Everywhere I go, I like to write what comes first on my mind. Any forgotten to-do list, once they are suddenly flash on my mind, i will be able to jot down anytime. Remembering you have to delete accomplished things on gadget, you just have to draw a line on paper or throw it away after done your to-do list. Easier, isn’t it?


Something to think about

2014 taught me a lot of things, especially about grown-up things. I remember when I was a kid, I don’t understand why there are chaos, why people don’t trust each other, why a family is broken, why friends turns into foe when it comes to money…

I now believe that friends you make, your surroundings and money can change a person in and out. I used to have lots of friends because I like making friends, and I was scared of being alone. But now, I like spending time alone. Having many friends doesn’t actually make me feel less lonely, in fact , it might actually backfiring if you make some bad friends along the way. I have a group of guy friends who I have been befriended since schooling. I always thought the bonds between us guys are strong, but I was wrong. There are actually some groups among the groups. Maybe I’m too simple-minded and think that everyone is as friendly and as nice as I thought they are. But some people are pretty sarcastic when making a remark of friends. All of the guys are straight in my group except for myself. Two are married, some are my friends since I was in high school 1998-2004, some even from my kindergarten. San (a married guy) wanted to introduce girl’s friends to some of other guy friends who are still single, but he made a remark that those guys who are not in “snapper class” (which I’m sure is written by his wife), shouldn’t try to woo the girl he wanted to introduce. Even though I know that the remark wasn’t for me because they know I like guy, but still, I feel offended that time. Sometimes a joke can go too far and you can feel it. That wasn’t just a simple remark. For me, that was an insult and personal attacking. Just because he and his wife just promoted from insurance company, doesn’t mean that they have a bigger personality than those who are still fighting hard to make a living. Second case, a friend who is always asking where the other guys are at – but never show up. There is Tom, who always shows up in the group chat and asks the location of the other members without the intention to show up. Words are always sarcastic, hard to keep his words, and the way he talks always brings suspicions. He is a friend since junior high school. He will survive in his business but I don’t think he will be a good friend. Third case, my ex business-partner, Don. He likes to brag about almost everything and acted like he knows everything better than others. I dislike this kind of person, and I think he dislikes me too since I withdraw my partnership with them. It suddenly occurs me, is it only me that feel they are changing to become more arrogant when they are richer or everyone feels the same way like I do but they just don’t say it out loud?

I’m a small boss now. I own a small men’s clothing shop and I hired a staff. She always brings her lunch and always eats them around 3 or 4pm. When I asked her, she told me that she only ate once despite her rounded body figure. Although I don’t earn much now, but sometimes two meals a day for me seems too little, how does she survive with just a meal a day? I remember the old saying, “We learn more from the poor rather than from the rich”. So we always accommodate our lifestyle with our income. When we are poor, we live the poorer way. When we are rich, we live in a richer way. The problem isn’t about the money, but it’s the way we live and how we think. So, how does money change a person? Or a person choose to change because of money? That’s something to think deep enough. I’m just hoping that someday when I’m well-being enough, I still be the respectable type and low profile enough.

2014 Movies Summary

Here is another year of my movies summary. Time flies… This is already the third year that I give my own rating on my watched-list movie database. I watched about 30% more movies this year (76 in total) comparing to only 56 movies in 2013. I’m addicted to movies now and series.

Talking about series, the latest series I love most during the year was “The Walking Dead” and American sitcom “2 Broke Girls”. Gosh, I love 2 broke girls!!! It’s a must watch sitcom for people who love adult’s joke and don’t have 2 hours to sit still and watch a movie because every episode of 2 broke girls only takes about 20 mins. I’m sure you will be able to find time to watch that even during your “poo poo time” 😀

This year movies are pretty good. Here’s my top 20 list for the year based on Acting, Effects/Screenplay, Storyline, Moral/Touch points, and Favoritism :

1. Blended (Adam Sandler, Drew Barrymore)

2. X-men : Days of Future Past

3. Odd Thomas (Anton Yelchin)

4. Exodus – Gods & Kings (Christian Bale, Ben Kingsley)

5. Miss Granny (Dong-ik Shin, Yoon-jeong Hong)

6. Interstellar (Matthew McConaughey, Anne Hathaway)

7, Transcendence ( Johnny Depp)

8. TMNT (Megan Fox, William Fichtner)

9. Merry Riana

10. The Hobbits : The battle of five armies

Following 11-20 : The hunger games (mocking jay part 1), The amazing spiderman 2, Dawn of the planet of the apes, Rio 2, Maleficent, Nonstop, Lone survivor, The wolf of wallstreet, Captain america – the winter soldier, The Target (korean)

Most of the movies either won my heart for the moral/touch point or simply just my favoritism. It might not be your favorite top 20, but it is for me. Have a good start of 2015 all 😉

Wish you all the best,


2014 Last Thought

Can’t say it enough this year is the year where I truly learned and grew up the most compare to the other years before… I can’t say that it’s a bad year for me, but I’d rather put it as a year where I got to meet the true human being, a year where I found what’s important in my life, a year where I finally know what life is all about.

As I might mentioned before in my previous post, our family moved into a new house earlier this year. It’s a great house, a great room, a great start for our family. I no longer have to sleep in a room with my parents or my brothers, I have my own tv, my own office table, and my own queen-sized bed. I can’t thank God enough for whatever I have right now. I love having my own space, somewhere I can put everything down and just focus on myself. I can never lie to the fact that our family almost broke down because of this new house too. I didn’t realize that we ended up having huge debt just to move into this house. I felt like I’m useless and I blamed myself for not having enough income to keep the crisis away. Somehow now, I ended up with debts that yet to be paid…

I left my old business earlier July because I wanted to focus more on this new clothing business. I felt like underwear business was nearly a dead-end. I’m partly blamed for being unable to push my partners towards a better prospect, but on the other hand, I tried and kept the business going on as far as I can when the business flunked since earlier 2014. I was under income and I couldn’t do anything much to bring more business in. That’s why I made a decision to leave the previous business and join to new business with my other two buddies. Somehow it worked, I forgot how it all happened, but finally we owned a store-front in a mall now. I’m happy and still blessed that everything happened. I was once really broke-down into tears while driving in the car somewhere around mid of March. That was the first time that I felt alive. I had never struggle through financial, just because my parents prepared everything so well when I was younger and I didn’t have to worry. Thus, that’s also the reason I never truly understand how important money is. I always believe there is something more than money, that’s true. But be realistic, before you find that something more important than money, make sure you have enough money for you to find those qualities. Money is everything in my town, or maybe other town, or even in every part of the world. People treat you differently depends on how much money do you have. Sounds pathetic? Sad, but it’s true.

So far, I felt blessed for having some people in my life. They are my true angels, my true friends who stayed and never left. I’m leaving some friends that are not sincere, not socializing with people who don’t benefit me to be befriended with, and trying not to chat with people who I don’t know so well on the phone. I’m now maybe an arrogant man. Not because I want to be that person, but life taught me how. I learnt that no matter how nice you treated others, some people were just using you. Once you are useless to them, you are simply nothing. That happened on certain circles of friends in my life. In my life, I never considered myself as a victim regardless of whatever situation, and I don’t want to admit I’m a victim. When I put myself out there and made some bad friends, that was my decision. I chose them to befriend with, I ended up hurt, that’s my decision. When life puts me in a tough position and tough life, I get to choose what I want, who I want to be with, and who I wanna be in future. Every decision I make, every person I choose to be in my life, plays a big part in my future. So when life puts me in a bad environment, I will never back down, I will still choose to fight until my last breath on earth. Now I know whats important in my life, and I’m gonna work extra harder to achieve the tomorrow I desired. Some people might call me arrogant or proud along the way, but honestly, I don’t and I won’t care. I wasted too much time on not so constructive people and wasted my own time on earth. This present stats is the fruit I sowed from the past seeds. So for a better fruit, I need to plant the best seed from now on.

“It doesn’t matter how people see you as you, it’s important to see yourself as me” – PK

Remember I told you how devastating I was when I almost had a mentally broke-down in the car last March? I can never forget that day. That was the first time when I drive and lost my sense of direction. I headed to nowhere, I didn’t know who I should talk to about my problem,but I do know that people can lend me their ears, but they never really be able to help me physically for my problems. That was the first time I asked God to help me many times in the car. I was praying hard in my heart and I had to believe that everything will be just fine. Everything will be fine… Out of a sudden, I felt like God replied my message. This thought was running over my head, the question just popped out, “If you are going to die tomorrow, what would you do today?”

You will never believe that the simple question does magic. I smiled crying and laughed at myself for being silly. I forgot I am living in this world temporarily, someday, somehow, I will leave this earth and to be somewhere else. I forgot how to smile for that month, I forgot how tiny my problems are when I picture myself In heaven looking down at myself from earth. What am I troubling with?

I believe in God. I believe God helped me by giving me some voices in head. I just need to be strong, to be me, and do the best I could while I am still alive. Now, I pray every morning. I pray that my family will be healthy and safe, pray that my business will grow well and able to pay off all of my debts, pray and thanks God for giving me whatever I have now. I felt blessed and thankful everyday.

Life is a roller-coaster

Oh well, this year has been a roller coaster year for me. It took me some time before I really sit down and post on my blog. I had too much to write and pour my heart out, but I didn’t expect that I could actually pass all my problems through without a rant on my blogs. I believe that more or less that I’m losing capability in my writing skill, but let me try and keep continue my blog in English.

I have a drastic change in my lifestyle and people surrounding me. Earlier this year, my family and I moved to a new house. Unexpectedly, we were in a debt due to huge renovation on new house and the mortgage yet to be settled. I didn’t know the impact could be that huge that almost caused a breakout in my family. My dad was in heavy stress and overly bad tempered, my mom didn’t know what to do. Yeah, our family almost had a real breakout when my dad stated out of anger that we should sell the house, pay the debt, and live on our own separately. That was a definitely a huge thing for me. I never see my dad so angry before, and I knew he was serious. I almost had a mental broke down, I didn’t know where to go or who I should go to talk to. I knew that nobody can help me even though I tell them my problem. I had to be strong for my mom and my younger brother. I drove out from home, spent some time alone in the car while keep telling myself to calm down to think. It was just suddenly strike me down a question when I was praying deep in my heart, “What would you do if tomorrow is your last day?” That was the only time when my burdened feel lightened. I am only a human… I can only do things within my limits, not things that out of my control. I need to be strong and patience towards my dad, I feel sorry because as a kid I can’t give my parents a better life, my dad can’t pension because us, kids. I felt his anger. Part of the disappointment and the burdened came from me. Because their son isn’t capable enough to give them pension life that they deserve. I realized that part of it, was my fault. I didn’t have the right to make things right on them because I am (we are as their kids) are the sources of the problems. I could only pray and hope things get better while thinking the best solution when my dad really sells our only house that time. I need to get my mom a shelter and a job for my youngest brother. I was prepared for the worst. I need to be patience towards my dad and understand him from his view. I hope things will get better and he will be better. And since then, I offered a pray and incense every day to Goddess Kwan Im before I go to work just to keep my family safe and happy. I hope Goddess will give the best to both of my parents and keep them free from any suffering and sickness.

Good news is, we survived. From March to September, half year time I have been lost. I hoped that time will heal everything. It did, I couldn’t be happier now that I still have my dad and mom by my side.

Recently, I was asked by few people if I do feel regret having my business shares sold since it’s been there for a while and doing not bad. Truth is, I don’t. It’s not that I don’t have a choice, but I did what I feel is the right thing for me. It’s not earning as good as what other people see, but I should start to find a way out for myself since I’m leaned with burdens. I don’t expect people to understand me, but compare to what I might lost few months back then, this was really nothing big. Instead, I might be able to use the verse “blessing in disguise” to this incident. The day me and my two buddies open our first clothing store in a mall, it just suddenly occurred to me that my dreams came true!!! I had my very first wish about 10 years ago, and I was about 18years old that time. I made a wish that I will have my own store before 30 years old. Even though it’s a partnered business, but guess what, don’t belittle your dreams and keep have faith. When you are not losing hope, miracles will happen. Whatever it is, I’m thankful to my own belief, my parents and people who never give up on me. 😀

Manusia bahagia bila…


Manusia bahaga bila ia bisa membuka mata untuk menyadari bahwa ia memiliki banyak hal yang berarti

Manusia bisa bahagia bila ia mau membuka mata hati, untuk menyadari betapa ia dicintai

Manusia bisa bahagia bila ia mau membuka diri, agar orang lain bisa mencintainya dengan tulus

Manusia tidak bahagia karena tidak mau membuka hati, berusaha meraih yang tidak dapat diraih, memaksa untuk mendapatkan segala yang diinginkan, tidak mau menerima dan mensyukuri yang ada

Manusia buta karena egois dan hanya memikirkan diri, tidak sadar bahwa ia begitu dicintai, tidak sadar bahwa saat ini apa yang ada adalah baik, selalu berusaha meraih lebih dan tidak mau sadar karena serakah

Ada teman yang begitu mencintai, namun tidak diindahkan, karena memilih, menilai dan menghakimi diri sendiri

Memilih teman dan mencari-cari, padahal di depan mata ada teman yang sejati

Telah memiliki segala yang terbaik namun serakah, ingin dirinya yang paling diperhatikan, paling disayang, selalu menjadi pusat perhatian, selalu dinomorsatukan. Padahal semua manusia memiliki peranan hebat dan nomor satu dalam satu hal, belum tentu dalam hal lain, dicintai oleh satu orang belum tentu dicintai oleh orang lain.

Kebahagiaan bersumber dari dalam diri kita sendiri. Jikalau berharap dari orang lain, maka bersiaplah untuk ditinggalkan, bersiaplah untuk dikhianati.


Kita akan bahagia bila kita bisa menerima diri apa adanya, mencintai dan menghargai diri sendiri, mau mencintai orang lain, dan mau menerima orang lain.


Percayalah kepada Tuhan, dan bersyukurlah kepada-Nya, bahwa kita selalu diberikan yang terbaik sesuai usaha kita, tak perlu berkeras hati. Ia akan memberi kita di saat yang tepat apa yang kita butuhkan meskipun bukan hari ini, masih ada esok hari.


清明节 – Graveyeard cleaning festival

I went back to my hometown last weekend to attend an annual graveyard festival. It’s a Chinese tradition that has been inherited from generation to generation and I have been following my parents to visit hometown every year to pay a visit and cleaning my grandpa’s and grandma’s grave. I miss my grandma a lot since she passed away on 1st Jan 2000. Exactly on the first day of Millenium year. I was 13 years old that year. I remember clearly what happened on that day. All the big families gather around my late-grandma’s side when she was sick and laying down on the floor waiting all the families member to gather surround her. She passed away around 5pm that day. I was terribly sad as far as I could remember. I used to call her when I was a kid, and also my Godma in my hometown. I called almost everyone every other day just to stay in touch. After her funeral and the wake that took place for 7 days, we all gathered around in the hometown’s living room waiting to be inherited the jewelry and everything my grandma’s has before she is gone. I didn’t understand much about those inheritance, but I knew all the family member was pretty tensed and some hoping to be divided some of those belongings; the hometown land, jewelries, cash, etc. I didn’t hope for anything big but I was hoping for something that can bring me memories with grandma. All the relatives suddenly sounded so different and their attitude towards each other change drastically after my grandma passed away. Almost at the end of the allotment, there is this one Buddha’s pendant made of jade which has not divided out to anyone. I prayed in my deep heart that I wanted something from Grandma as a memorial item, but I was too young and too small for them notice me. All her girls grandchildren’s had their own item. Suddenly, I heard my own aunt shouted my name. She said that I always remember to call my grandma from time to time to chat with her, ask her whereabouts and her condition. My youngest and the only aunt from my father’s side (the only daughter my grandma has) mentioned my name,  my 8th uncle asked everyone in the room if there is any objection. There were no objections as I hoped for. Then, I became the last and the youngest person to have my grandma’s possessions. Even though I was still young, I knew I had the less expensive item but that really means a lot to me. It was a smiling Buddha’s pendant. I still feel that she is somewhere else watching over me when I see that pendant. It was a sign that she wants me to remember her when she is gone the moment I was passed down that pendant. I still remember how you used to love me and remember me despise from the fact that you have over twenty plus grandchildren at that time. I miss you grandma. That’s one of many reason that I never refused to go back on that special date every year to pay you a visit. You were a great grandma. Love you grandma…


This year, I found this graveyard cleaning festival extremely special and meaningful for me because I finally get to know the real meaning and where this tradition came from. Through a friend who had never participated this event, he told me about the origin of this tradition.


In ancient times, there was this young scholar who was very smart and filial. One day, he went to out from where he lives to make a living and pursue his dreams. In order to success, he had to leave his home and where his mom lives. In the end, he becomes success.  He finally become a king and governs the country. He wants to share everything he has with his only family, his mom. And so he went back to his hometown, but to only know that his mom had passed away a long time ago. In the cemetery, he couldn’t find where his mom was buried. And so, he ordered all the villagers to pray and clean their families’ tomb every year to remember them and slip all the “yellow and white paper” to the soil where their families buried under. After everyone has done that, he finally could recognize his mom grave where nobody took care of the cleaning. It’s his filial that brought us this tradition and made it more meaningful. I hope in many generations to come, people would still do this.


And so, apart from the graveyard cleaning I also mentioned that the behavior from my relatives had changes since my grandma passed away. No exception too this year. After my grandma passed away, many things happened between my relatives from my dad’s side. Brotherhood seems broken apart when it comes to money issues, and some still brought up the story from ancient times. I had the fact that every time I go back to my hometown, people are wearing fake smiles. I can tell from the outside that people are falling apart from inside. They are no longer trust each other fully heartedly, but we live near to each other in hometown so there is no need for us to pull a long face to face each other. Humans are a complicated creature. Sometimes the ways we act are so unpredictable. I used to complain when I was a kid, that adults are so difficult to understand. Things are simple, why they made it so complicated. They have secrets, they can tell other many people, but not to the person they have problem with. And now, I become an adult. I begin to understand that human relationship is complicated. Sometimes it’s not just about telling the person you have problem with, so that the matter will be solved. Instead, sometimes it might arouse another problem. I can’t even understand why I behave certain ways sometime, how could I possible understand what other people thinking?


This trip made me old… a lot! One of my cousins brought up an album from a long time ago. I was in it… and it was full of memories. Every picture has its own date, I saw 1993… I began to count.. then we both came to 21 years ago!!! I was 7 years old that time. I looked around and realized that a dozen of kids from my cousins surrounded us made fun of how funny my cousins and I were in the album. Gosh!! Time flew fast! I looked around surrounding me, It hit me that I should already have my own family at this age. All the relatives concern about when I’m going to get married or have my own family. My parents are starting to worry too. I can tell that from their eyes. Everyone around them have grandchildren to play with, but not them. They have been rushing for my eldest brother to get married. But looks like my brother doesn’t have that plan to get married this year. My parents pinned the hope in me, but I can’t marry a girl. So I began to think that if I’m going to have a family, it will be me and my adopted son. I can’t marry a girl. My parents have been in a foul emotions too as they are getting older. Is it because all four of their sons unable to let them see a bit of hope getting close to marriage and building their own families? I believe partially are true. If they have a grandchild, they will have something to keep them busy and they won’t even have time to pout about negative things. There will be laughter at home and they will be thinking about positive side from time to time because they need to keep the baby happy all the time too. Like I said, 2014 doesn’t seem like a good year for me. A quarter had passed, and I haven’t have a good time yet. lol




Fear. This word scare the hell out of many people. Everyone of us, including me, have our own fear towards certain thing. It remains an enigma to individual self of what we really afraid of, what we fear of.


Last night, I watched a movie called “Divergent”. It’s not really a very WOW movie for me, but I like the story line itself and there is a line that caught my attention. “Fear doesn’t shut you down, it wakes you up”. That line kept whirling in my head and I started to doubt myself. Am I the type that being shut down by fear or it does wake me up? I’m not sure about myself, but I want to be the type that become more alert and grow stronger when facing my own fear. At the same time, I realized that I am not the typical trend-chaser type. Maybe one of many reason also because I can’t afford it yet, and I’m pretty comfortable to be what I am at this moment and feel good about my own sexuality (except the fact that I still need to shed down a little bit of tummy fat!). I love being free and unlabelled, not brand-chaser like some of my friends do, or judging one person from what they wear. Everyone is unique, there is no doubt about it. Yet, most people are the same. They are being inveterate by environment, friends, and anything they see on internet. That’s what they become. But please, take some time to calm down and ask yourself, “What do you really want?”. Whenever I’m lost, I like to take some time for myself and spending it on my own. No outside interruption, no intruders, no phone, no chatting, but just me. The more age added to myself, I feel the more time I need for myself. Growing up isn’t easy, or should I say growing old… Well, as age grows, there will be more things you need to worry, more burden, more expenses, but less health and time to do them all. Thus, I like to spend time alone pretty much and recently, I pretty much did that from time to time. I hangout less with people surrounding. Am not trying to be not social, I love meeting people, but as my age reaching 30, I should stop and re-think and re-program myself to be ready to face what might come after 30-ties. Maybe I’m just a bit slow comparing to many others.

Another thing I recently encountered is argument. I involved in many of those for the past year, and still happening. I dislike it, I do,but I also learned that without conflicts, we never learnt what wrong exactly happen with us or it simply other people’s problem?

So now you see the uncertain and insecure me when growing old. Spending time alone doesn’t mean I’m a loner, it just give me more time to reflect on my life and how to take things in stride. And it works! Apart from that, spending time alone doesn’t mean I’m pouting or just laying on my bed watching tv while grabbing snacks (I do that sometimes), but instead, I do meditation, reading, and music.It really did help me a lot. One day, I caught myself with a question inside my head and all the bad emotions just seemed fade away. And that question, “What are you living for, Pendy?”. It feels like another “wake up call” for me when I realized that life’s so short and mine might end anytime just like many people’s. Then, I reminded myself that I should be happy, optimist and brave to face anything in my life and fight like a knight. Even if my life ended, I lived a great one in my life and people will know that I did. I want to bring smile and happiness to grave one day, with no regrets! 😀

There is a myth with late twenties to thirties crisis,I know few friends do really have that. But I want to believe that there is a silver lining behind all of those crisis. I really do. I just like being an adventurer and be fearless. ^^

The Man in me

Since I was a kid, there is one kind of man… yes, a kind of man i always want to be and to be with – Charismatic Knight. 😀

Well, I am amazed and it blew me away every single time I see a guy with charisma from the way he talks and his small gestures. We don’t always need to be super handsome with supermodel face or super tall to be a charming guy. Charisma and charm comes from inside out, not outside in. I think nobody born to be charming, but they cultivate and nurture what inside them since they are born. We all have the qualities to be charming, we just need to know how to learn to be one. Therefore, I listed a quite few lists I personally think that would make me a better guy, well, a charming guy :

1. Be comfortable with yourself and genuine
2. Take pleasure in company with others and be genuine
3. Be self-effacing
4. Be fun-loving
5. Make good eye contact and be focus
6. Listen exceptionally well
7. Authenticity in the way one presents himself
8. A gentle and genuine curiosity in the people around you
9. Possessing well reasoned convictions
10. Humility

Those are the attributes I could come up with. Not easy to be a charming guy, but I am still trying over these past ten years. I have been very clear with what I want to be when I was younger, and now I realized I haven’t become one. I enjoy the process though. I love this life, full of uncertainty, full of hope, endless dreams to follow, to obtain. Also, stressful!

Have a nice weekend and enjoy life ^^


Being a friend is not easy

Lived 28 years so far, and i just realized that being a good friend is not easy…
I have a bunch of friends who i have known for almost my whole life. They have been very supportive and i love them. Arguments sometimes are unavoidable, but once you learnt not to take it too hard, friendship could be very awesome.
I got to know a bunch of gay friends, and as time passes, we grew pretty close. Although i don’t really like gay guys bitching people around, they can be very nice and sweet friends too! Sometimes it makes me feel like i’m living in two different world on this planet. The communications between gay friends and straight friends are totally different. The lifestyle, the habits, the behavior, and so many things that are just so different. Well, like people said, it is what it is. The more people we meet, the more we learn about things and life. I like to observe human being like i mentioned before, i love how amazing this life is. But it takes more than it seems to be a good friend.
Recently, i got to know many guys from many different countries. That’s one of many privileges being a gay. You get to meet new people very soon even if you live a hundred or thousand miles away. The characteristics are varies, and you will love it.
I got to know a guy who is just out from a painful relationship. He met the wrong guy, that’s all i can say. Today, he said he is disappointed in me because i didn’t want to meet him and his just break-up boyfriend. He said he needed time to sort things out before get closer to me, and i agreed. Been sending him message everyday just to cheer him up. Turns out, he felt not enough. I didn’ want to involve myself into their relationship and now, im being accused for being not supportive. Being a good friend can be tough, people might expecting something from you, but once, only once you failed to be the guy they want you to be, then you are not a good friend. Sometimes we tried our best to be a good friend, but people might thinkwe are giving enough. I’m tired honestly. I think i know bettrr how far i’m willing to give or help as a friend. But when people don’t know how to appreciate you, there is nothing more we can do… really..