Oh well, this year has been a roller coaster year for me. It took me some time before I really sit down and post on my blog. I had too much to write and pour my heart out, but I didn’t expect that I could actually pass all my problems through without a rant on my blogs. I believe that more or less that I’m losing capability in my writing skill, but let me try and keep continue my blog in English.
I have a drastic change in my lifestyle and people surrounding me. Earlier this year, my family and I moved to a new house. Unexpectedly, we were in a debt due to huge renovation on new house and the mortgage yet to be settled. I didn’t know the impact could be that huge that almost caused a breakout in my family. My dad was in heavy stress and overly bad tempered, my mom didn’t know what to do. Yeah, our family almost had a real breakout when my dad stated out of anger that we should sell the house, pay the debt, and live on our own separately. That was a definitely a huge thing for me. I never see my dad so angry before, and I knew he was serious. I almost had a mental broke down, I didn’t know where to go or who I should go to talk to. I knew that nobody can help me even though I tell them my problem. I had to be strong for my mom and my younger brother. I drove out from home, spent some time alone in the car while keep telling myself to calm down to think. It was just suddenly strike me down a question when I was praying deep in my heart, “What would you do if tomorrow is your last day?” That was the only time when my burdened feel lightened. I am only a human… I can only do things within my limits, not things that out of my control. I need to be strong and patience towards my dad, I feel sorry because as a kid I can’t give my parents a better life, my dad can’t pension because us, kids. I felt his anger. Part of the disappointment and the burdened came from me. Because their son isn’t capable enough to give them pension life that they deserve. I realized that part of it, was my fault. I didn’t have the right to make things right on them because I am (we are as their kids) are the sources of the problems. I could only pray and hope things get better while thinking the best solution when my dad really sells our only house that time. I need to get my mom a shelter and a job for my youngest brother. I was prepared for the worst. I need to be patience towards my dad and understand him from his view. I hope things will get better and he will be better. And since then, I offered a pray and incense every day to Goddess Kwan Im before I go to work just to keep my family safe and happy. I hope Goddess will give the best to both of my parents and keep them free from any suffering and sickness.
Good news is, we survived. From March to September, half year time I have been lost. I hoped that time will heal everything. It did, I couldn’t be happier now that I still have my dad and mom by my side.
Recently, I was asked by few people if I do feel regret having my business shares sold since it’s been there for a while and doing not bad. Truth is, I don’t. It’s not that I don’t have a choice, but I did what I feel is the right thing for me. It’s not earning as good as what other people see, but I should start to find a way out for myself since I’m leaned with burdens. I don’t expect people to understand me, but compare to what I might lost few months back then, this was really nothing big. Instead, I might be able to use the verse “blessing in disguise” to this incident. The day me and my two buddies open our first clothing store in a mall, it just suddenly occurred to me that my dreams came true!!! I had my very first wish about 10 years ago, and I was about 18years old that time. I made a wish that I will have my own store before 30 years old. Even though it’s a partnered business, but guess what, don’t belittle your dreams and keep have faith. When you are not losing hope, miracles will happen. Whatever it is, I’m thankful to my own belief, my parents and people who never give up on me. 😀