Can’t say it enough this year is the year where I truly learned and grew up the most compare to the other years before… I can’t say that it’s a bad year for me, but I’d rather put it as a year where I got to meet the true human being, a year where I found what’s important in my life, a year where I finally know what life is all about.
As I might mentioned before in my previous post, our family moved into a new house earlier this year. It’s a great house, a great room, a great start for our family. I no longer have to sleep in a room with my parents or my brothers, I have my own tv, my own office table, and my own queen-sized bed. I can’t thank God enough for whatever I have right now. I love having my own space, somewhere I can put everything down and just focus on myself. I can never lie to the fact that our family almost broke down because of this new house too. I didn’t realize that we ended up having huge debt just to move into this house. I felt like I’m useless and I blamed myself for not having enough income to keep the crisis away. Somehow now, I ended up with debts that yet to be paid…
I left my old business earlier July because I wanted to focus more on this new clothing business. I felt like underwear business was nearly a dead-end. I’m partly blamed for being unable to push my partners towards a better prospect, but on the other hand, I tried and kept the business going on as far as I can when the business flunked since earlier 2014. I was under income and I couldn’t do anything much to bring more business in. That’s why I made a decision to leave the previous business and join to new business with my other two buddies. Somehow it worked, I forgot how it all happened, but finally we owned a store-front in a mall now. I’m happy and still blessed that everything happened. I was once really broke-down into tears while driving in the car somewhere around mid of March. That was the first time that I felt alive. I had never struggle through financial, just because my parents prepared everything so well when I was younger and I didn’t have to worry. Thus, that’s also the reason I never truly understand how important money is. I always believe there is something more than money, that’s true. But be realistic, before you find that something more important than money, make sure you have enough money for you to find those qualities. Money is everything in my town, or maybe other town, or even in every part of the world. People treat you differently depends on how much money do you have. Sounds pathetic? Sad, but it’s true.
So far, I felt blessed for having some people in my life. They are my true angels, my true friends who stayed and never left. I’m leaving some friends that are not sincere, not socializing with people who don’t benefit me to be befriended with, and trying not to chat with people who I don’t know so well on the phone. I’m now maybe an arrogant man. Not because I want to be that person, but life taught me how. I learnt that no matter how nice you treated others, some people were just using you. Once you are useless to them, you are simply nothing. That happened on certain circles of friends in my life. In my life, I never considered myself as a victim regardless of whatever situation, and I don’t want to admit I’m a victim. When I put myself out there and made some bad friends, that was my decision. I chose them to befriend with, I ended up hurt, that’s my decision. When life puts me in a tough position and tough life, I get to choose what I want, who I want to be with, and who I wanna be in future. Every decision I make, every person I choose to be in my life, plays a big part in my future. So when life puts me in a bad environment, I will never back down, I will still choose to fight until my last breath on earth. Now I know whats important in my life, and I’m gonna work extra harder to achieve the tomorrow I desired. Some people might call me arrogant or proud along the way, but honestly, I don’t and I won’t care. I wasted too much time on not so constructive people and wasted my own time on earth. This present stats is the fruit I sowed from the past seeds. So for a better fruit, I need to plant the best seed from now on.
“It doesn’t matter how people see you as you, it’s important to see yourself as me” – PK
Remember I told you how devastating I was when I almost had a mentally broke-down in the car last March? I can never forget that day. That was the first time when I drive and lost my sense of direction. I headed to nowhere, I didn’t know who I should talk to about my problem,but I do know that people can lend me their ears, but they never really be able to help me physically for my problems. That was the first time I asked God to help me many times in the car. I was praying hard in my heart and I had to believe that everything will be just fine. Everything will be fine… Out of a sudden, I felt like God replied my message. This thought was running over my head, the question just popped out, “If you are going to die tomorrow, what would you do today?”
You will never believe that the simple question does magic. I smiled crying and laughed at myself for being silly. I forgot I am living in this world temporarily, someday, somehow, I will leave this earth and to be somewhere else. I forgot how to smile for that month, I forgot how tiny my problems are when I picture myself In heaven looking down at myself from earth. What am I troubling with?
I believe in God. I believe God helped me by giving me some voices in head. I just need to be strong, to be me, and do the best I could while I am still alive. Now, I pray every morning. I pray that my family will be healthy and safe, pray that my business will grow well and able to pay off all of my debts, pray and thanks God for giving me whatever I have now. I felt blessed and thankful everyday.